On Friday , March 7th, I’m going to celebrate my 22nd birthday.
I’ve been feeling pretty bummed about it because I have midterms all next week and I’m on an island where I still don’t really have too many friends so I’ll be essentially celebrating by myself while studying all day/night.
Then I thought about all the crazy things I keep hearing about people my own age. How people are going missing, how people are just driving home after a party and that’s it, how life truly is so temporary. How we’re here today and gone tomorrow.
I am so grateful for every single birthday I get to celebrate. I am so grateful for every breath I get to take. I’ve spent so much of my life living in fear, letting insecurity and doubt rule me. I was always scared to make new friends cause I assumed people wouldn’t like me. I put myself in a bubble and was too scared to break free of it.
I let myself be defined by my parents, by my friends, by everyone except me. And then, when it came time for me to figure it out, I let myself drown into the stories of books and tv shows, where I didn’t have to think. I was this fictional character living a fantasy life that I was completely engrossed in. It was easier than going out into the world and breaking free of my box.
I refuse to let myself be driven by insecurity. I refuse to let my doubts take over me. I refuse to let my fear of failure or rejection define who I am.
Today marks the start of a change. Today marks the start- not of the the new me, but of the real me. I wish I was as confident as some of the people I know, but, hey, I’m a work in progress. I’ll get there. But in the meantime, I sure as hell am going to enjoy the journey.
I don’t want to exist. I want to live. Thank you God for this life that you given me. Thank you for letting me live a full 21 amazing years so far. I pray that you give me the strength to be strong, to take risks, to be brave, and to truly live life to the fullest.
“Do with these words what you will
It’s time for us to be for real
You’ll be stuck on the ground until
You finally break the shell”