A selfish prayer from a selfish girl

Hm.. It’s been a while since I’ve prayed– and by prayer, I mean actual prayer. Not the prayer I quickly mumble at home during family prayer because my parents turned off the tv. Now don’t get me wrong, I still mean what I say during those prayers and they still matter, but it’s not the same as going to your room and giving yourself some quiet time to pray.

I don’t know what’s stopped me.. if it’s laziness, apathy for prayer in general, or if I’m searching for something else.

But today, I’m going to pray for wisdom. I know this is such a selfish prayer with all that is going on in the world right now, but this is my selfish blog where I can write my selfish prayer about my selfish need for wisdom. (Guess I’m also going for the world record for highest use of the word selfish in one blog post.) But in all honesty, I am certainly lacking in wisdom right now. My mind is filled with air and emotions (and a crap ton of tv shows), but no wisdom. I’ve learned all about anatomy and biochemistry, but my mind– my soul is empty and I’m not quite sure how to fill it.

So I pray for wisdom. I pray that wisdom fills me up and I no longer feel empty both mentally and spiritually. I pray that I let wisdom guide me as opposed to foolishness and selfishness (ironic, heh?).

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud,

she raises her voice in the public square;

on top of the wall she cries out,

at the city gate she makes her speech:

“How long will you who are simple love your simple ways?

How long will mockers delight in mockery

and fools hate knowledge?

Well, dammit, Wisdom, you’ve got my attention. I’m listening. I’m paying attention as you stretch out your hand. And for the first time in a long time, I’m not disregarding your advice.

I’m here. I’m ready. I’m listening. Speak.

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