Part of growing up is actually growing up. Now, this might seem redundant and clearly obvious, but there’s something about it that I can’t quite seem to grasp.
Right now in bioethics, we’re learning about virtue theory. The basic premise of this theory is that regardless of what the action is, it is morally acceptable if there is good intent behind it. This seems like a cop out to me. It gives us an excuse to be selfish, to be rude, or to hurt people because we never “intended” to be hurtful; our minds were in the right place, so it’s okay. While this certainly is plausible in many situations, it excuses our poor decisions when we just need to own up to them.
It’s ironic because I was just thinking about some of the selfish and overall dumb things I did the last time I went out. As I went over them in my head, I made excuses to justify my actions. “Oh I was drinking.” “It wasn’t my intention to behave like that or act that way or portray myself in that manner.” “I didn’t mean to do that, it just happened.” And as I eased my mind with these reasons, I thought back to all the times I said those same exact words to myself.
Do you ever feel like you’re traveling in circles? It’s as if every time you do or feel something, you get that familiar feeling of “oh, I’ve been here before.” At first, you might not notice it or you just brush it off. But after going through the cycle over and over again, it just gets old and exhausting. My apologies, my reasons, my words have lost their value.
This is where growing up comes in to play. I’ve certainly been aging– I’m 22 now and I’ve even celebrated 2 birthdays on this blog, but I haven’t been actually growing up.
I was reading somewhere about how the only way we grow is to leave our comfort zone and my life has been lived safely inside mine. Tomorrow, I’m going to apologize to my friend for putting him in an uncomfortable position (which is something I don’t usually do– I’m great at pretending things never happened). Today, (and as sappy, cheesy, wack, stupid, etc this sounds) I apologize to myself for not carrying myself with dignity.
And next, I have to move forward. I have to carry my poor decisions with me and use them to be a better person not just in intent, but in action.
***Disclaimer to future self reading this blog: You didn’t actually do anything as bad as I’m making this seem, but in my gut, it still matters. The way you carry yourself, the way you feel about yourself, and the way you make others feel matter. Don’t compromise on that.***