Apologies

I have never been one to own up to my mistakes. I usually try to pretend they never happened and hope no one remembers. Now that might make me sound like a terrible person, but let me explain. I’m not talking about the little slip ups or wrongs we might do in everyday life, for I certainly apologize for those– maybe too much in fact. Sometimes, I even wonder what the value of our everyday “thank yous” and “I’m sorrys” have become. Politeness and being politically correct have captured our fleeting attention over the actual meaning behind our words, but this is not the point I’m trying to make so I digress.

Have you ever done something that is on the fence as to whether it is right or wrong? Or you might have wronged someone, but you don’t know if they know and acknowledging it could start a potential conflict?

Well, a few days ago, I wrote a post on here about maturity and growing up. I talked about how it’s easy to age (or not so much easy, as it is unavoidable) but it’s not as easy to grow. It feels almost like you’re looking back and wondering “Holy crap, where did the time go?” I know I’m this age, but I just feel like I’m not ready to be here yet.

In that post, I mentioned how I was going to apologize to a friend of mine. I planned out the apology probably about 100 times in my head, but never got the chance to actually employ it because there was never the right moment- we were always in a group, in class, etc. But yesterday, I finally found a moment and I took it! I owned up to my actions. I acknowledged that I made a mistake and took a step forward in resolving it. It also turns out that it was a much bigger deal in my head than it was in real life, but I never would have known that if I didn’t say something.

I’m not one to tell anyone what to do or how to do it, because I’m honestly still figuring all of that out myself. But I will tell you that I feel much better after discovering the courage and strength I have within myself because it took courage for me to own up to my actions and I never knew I had that in me.

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