Insane in the membrane

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Whew. I am just about to finish Week 2 of the insanity that is Insanity. This workout has brought me highs and lows; it brought me down to my knees and back up higher than I’ve ever been before.

I’ve said this a thousand times now, but I’ve spent so much of my life living safely inside of my comfort zone, but while I was safe, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy about the way I looked on the outside or the way I felt inside. So, I made a promise that I’m going to push myself out of this damn bubble. I’m working on not being so passive aggressive, I’m trying to talk less about myself while listening more, and I’m pushing the boundaries of what I can do both physically and mentally.

I tried Insanity about a year ago, couldn’t get through the fit test and subsequently, gave up that same day itself. Recently, my roommate mentioned she’s been doing it, but she modifies the moves to match her pace and speed, so I decided I’d give it a go one more time. The first week was brutal. Out of the 45 minute video, I could probably keep up with just 5 minutes. The rest of my time I was jogging it out or crying on the floor in fetal position wondering why I was doing this to myself. But I was slowly starting to see changes. One day, I was able to keep up with one full set which usually consists of jogging, a variation of jumping jacks, butt kicks, high knees, the Heismann, and some other move. The next day, it wasn’t just one set, but I was doing the whole warm up. Now, two weeks into it, I’m able to complete pretty much the whole 45 minute work out and I am beyond surprised that I could get my body to move this way, but I feel amazing! I didn’t weigh or measure myself, so I don’t know the specifics for weight loss, but I definitely see results after just 2 weeks. I feel stronger, healthier, and my mind is less foggy which helps me focus when I need to study. I’m so proud that I made it this far and I look forward to every workout everyday.

It’s funny because during one of the workouts a couple days ago, I remember thinking, “Man, I can’t do this anymore. I want to give up and I don’t know why I even thought I would be able to handle this.” But I pushed through and at the end of the workout was the first time I felt that amazing high and I realized what our bodies can actually do. We are far more capable than we could ever think, we just have to allow ourselves to reach that full potential. It’s ironic, but we’re our own worst demons and if we could just push and fight past that, we’d see that there is a whole world of opportunity waiting for us to come get it.

Exorcise your demons and break free of the chains that hold you back. It’s the most liberating feeling and I hope no one ever has to live in fear of their own power.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

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