People

I find that as I grow older, I like people less. I hate being lonely, but I also have no tolerance for people. I know that I am certainly no picnic- I’m self absorbed, pretty boring, shy and awkward most times because I’m stuck in my own head, and I can be on opposite sides of the spectrum where I don’t care about anything or I’m a crazy control freak. There’s not really much of an in between for me.

Though I’ve recently become much more aware of my own flaws, I’m also noticing that my patience in dealing with other peoples’ is much less. I get annoyed easily and I’m sick of the bs mind games most people play. It’s exhausting and that probably stems from my desire to be liked by everyone. I overanalyze everything and it makes interacting socially more complicated and consuming than it needs to be.

So maybe it’s not that people annoy me. It’s just that I desperately want to be liked that it is wearing me out. Am I the one playing the mind games?

I don’t know. And I don’t really know how to make it better. I love having friends and I understand the value of community, but I don’t know how I fit in to it sometimes. If you meet one asshole, then they’re the asshole. But if everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re the asshole.

Am I the asshole? Ah screw it. I’m in an asshole kind of mood.

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