I posted awhile ago “If everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re the asshole” and briefly touched upon the fact I might be an asshole. I never really believed it, though. I thought I was weird or socially awkward, but never an asshole or jerk.
It’s 5 am. I can’t sleep. I just had an epiphany. I. Am. The. Asshole.
And it’s the worst kind of asshole. A nice asshole. A smiling, I think I’m the bees knees asshole.
Dammit, and everyone knew except me!!
I always believed if you had good intentions you’re okay. What the heck do good intentions even mean???? If you’re an A-hole cause you’re too ignorant to realize, you’re still an A-hole. Just an a-hole that hasn’t yet realized it. I don’t know why I decided to censor this post half way through.
This is word vomit at its truest. Pure shit spewing out of the asshole of my face. Actually, I’m not talking now just typing. The assholes of my hand? Ew imagine if our fingers were really assholes?
Alright. Well, I see 24 is going to be all about super low self esteem cause I’ve been feeling really shitty about myself lately. I think the ignorance I’ve lived in for so long is finally coming undone. Bring it back, please. Ignorance is bliss. I miss sleeping well.
Sidebar: I think it’s because my whole life, my insecurities have been physical. I’ve been too vapid and shallow, concerning myself with new diets, hair methods, skin treatments or makeup tips to realize my slow descent into solidified asshole status. Wait, this isn’t a sidebar at all. Perfectly consistent with the theme of this piece. I call it “Asshole’s Insomnia”
Writing this makes me feel better. But how do I fix this?? Being a Christian before made it so easy. I just had to pray and seek forgiveness from that higher power and my slate was wiped clean. How do I seek forgiveness from ALL the people in my life? I don’t even know what to ask forgiveness for?? Where do I begin?