Does marriage scare anyone else? Not even the falling in love and spending your life with another person part– I have no idea or expectations for what that psycho-ness will feel like but I can imagine I’d go with it as it comes.

The part I dread is the marriage of two families, specifically “the daughter leaving to the groom’s side.” My parents did too good of a job making me love them. I don’t ever want to leave or upset our dynamic. The way things are right now may not be perfect, but it’s perfect to me. When you’re married and you visit home, things aren’t the same. I can’t go knock on my brother’s door, bother him while he’s sleeping and read him Harry Potter. Going back home won’t be like how it is when it’s just me coming home from school. There’s this whole other person who has to fit into our routine.

Moreover, I have to fit into someone else’s family and call them mom and dad? That’s still the weirdest thing to me. I want to marry someone one day, but you keep your family, I’ll keep mine and we can create a new 3rd separate one because there is absolutely no way in hell I’m leaving mine.

Obviously this post is childish and immature– I’d think marriage is far more nuanced that what I’m complaining about. The ideal situation was as I first described, a marriage of two families. I’m not leaving, he’s not leaving, we’re just expanding.

But let me be scared of it for now.



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