As the end of 2016 approaches, I find myself reminiscing on the past year, replaying the significant moments over and over again in my head. What could I have done different? How could I have been better?
2016, like the past few years, is one I look back on solemnly. I don’t know if this is just a part of growing up or something I’m experiencing alone, but I find myself more disappointed in who I’m growing up to be. Once upon a time, I believed I was a good person, but I don’t know what that means to me anymore.
My life has been filled with failures. I never got into med school in the United States. I failed out of the one I did get into in the Caribbean. I failed in many of my friendships. I failed as a Christian. I failed as a leader to the kids in my church. 2016 highlighted those failures and solidified my status as a certified asshole– not just in the big events, but in all the small moments. All the times I said “let me know how I can help” with no intention of following through. All the times I talked about people behind their backs and ate into gossip. All the times, I stood with no morals swaying in whatever direction the wind blew.
In 2017, I’ll be turning 25. I’d like to spend the next year in joy with pride in who I am and what I have. Man, I’m so blessed. We had a huge Christmas party at my house with friends and family. I just finished my 2nd semester of pharmacy school. I’ve met some great friends who are reminding me what friendship really is. This is not at all how I thought my life would turn out and I’m not the person I thought I would be today, but I’d like to end the year accepting who and where I am.