Birthday: Year 5

Today is March 8, 2017. I have been 25 for one whole day. I have gleaned much experience as a 25 year old in these 24 hours. Just kidding. You might as well call me Jon Snow because I know nothing.

It’s actually getting difficult to write in here, but I was consistent for 4 years and I managed to miss this on my actual birthday yesterday (it was a HELL of a day, maybe one day I’ll write about it). What words of wisdom do I have to say for this one? It’s interesting, because as you get older and the more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually know.

It’s finals week (I’m in pharmacy school, guys! Who would’ve thought?), so my brain is a little scrambled. But this post will be dedicated to my friends who are reminding me what friendship is– my friends who make me feel like ass because I realized I have never in my life been a friend to someone the way they are to me– my friends who have been my rock through both the nightmares and wonders of being in your 20s and in professional school.

When I moved to Savannah, I wanted to keep my head down and just power through school. Blah blah blah failures, embarrassment, shame (you know the drill), but these girls wormed their way into my life and into my heart and I am a better person for it.

It’s been a quarter of a century and it’s been a fucking roller coaster. I often feel the panic bubbling inside because I am 25. I should be getting my affairs in order to settle down in a few years, but I feel so far from that. My brain is running a 1ooo miles/minute constantly, I don’t even know where I’ll be living in a few months, how am I supposed to know what I’ll be doing in 2 years? Marriage, kids, a family, my career, my parent’s happiness— All of this is looming over my head, and I have no answers. I have nothing to end this paragraph with to give me solace or closure because I’m going through this now in real time. I’m not editing a vlog a day later to create a storyline, this is LIVE STREAM, baby (let’s see how these references hold up with time).

Happy (belated) 25th birthday, Shay. (Is it weird that I write birthday posts to myself? Meh, just pretend someone wrote this for me and I’m not a crazy person. I have friends, I SWEAR. I’m not making these people up. I think. God, I hope not. Now, that would be a plot twist).

24

Hm. Well, what is there to say?

Here I am. It feels like just yesterday, I was sitting in Grenada listening to The Cinematic Orchestra writing about turning 23.

It was my Jordan Year. It was to be a year filled with greatness. It was to be the year of my rise. I stumbled so many times in 22 and made such careless choices. I was young. I was foolish. I was clueless. 23 brought a sense of clarity. I knew who I was becoming. I knew who I was. 23 brought promise. I was growing up and moving forward.

Little did I know what 23 would actually entail. Trials. Failure. Depression. My Jordan Year of greatness did not live up to expectations. High hopes but floundering execution.

Nonetheless, I got through it. I have nothing deep or inspirational this year. I don’t really claim to know anything to be honest.

I don’t really know what 24 will bring. But I’m here. Im ready, and I’ll fucking annihilate it. If I can get through 23, come at me 24.

 

Happy 24th birthday.

23

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Today is my 23rd birthday.

I have everything I need, I have love, I am loved. What more could I ever ask for in this life? I will, forever, be eternally grateful for how lucky I am. I don’t know what life will bring me tomorrow and I have few regrets about yesterday, but today- today, life has brought me joy and life has brought me peace. I am so excited to see what’s in store for the years to come.

I’m learning to have courage, to let myself be vulnerable, to not care so much about what people think or say about me, and I’m learning who I am. I guess that is what your 20’s are for? I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes, but I’d rather make those mistakes than pretend that I am this perfect person. There was a lot of growing up and change in 22, but for the first time in life I feel like I’m going somewhere– not in circles and I sure as hell hope it’s forward, but it’s somewhere different and I’m excited for this journey I’m living again.

As you get older, you start to see the world differently. You see all the things that you said you would do when you were younger and you realize that maybe, you won’t get to accomplish all those dreams. You see all the things everyone around you is doing, and you wonder why you’re not as accomplished, well-travelled, in love, etc. You see all these opportunities that were once open start to fade away as you shape and mold the direction of your life. Your journey is your own. Your experiences and opportunities are your own. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Stop believing you’re not worth it, that you’re not good enough or smart enough, because things get so much better when you just give yourself a chance.

Happy Jordan Year! Great things are to come.

Another Mile Marker on My Journey :)

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Well, I made it!!

I made it to 22! I never understood or really appreciated the beauty of birthdays before, but this year it’s different. This year, so many young people I know have died of such seemingly random and confusing causes. I can’t and probably won’t ever understand it, but I do, now, understand the significance of life. I see the pain and loss after someone passes. I see the sorrow flooding and consuming parents, siblings, and friends when their loved one is taken far too soon.

I see how every birthday, every day, every moment needs to be celebrated, to be savored, to be fully appreciated. Today I celebrate not only my life, but I celebrate all the people who fill my life. I celebrate my family. I celebrate the love and support they’ve poured over me my whole life. I celebrate my friends. I celebrate their love and kindness and their craziness. I celebrate their ability to push me out of my comfort zones to do things I wouldn’t usually do.

People put birthdays on the back burner or appreciate it only for the attention. The attention is nice, the “happy birthdays” are nice, but the fact that you’re alive and loved transcends any birthday wish. It is the greatest blessing one could ever receive.

Happy birthday to me :) And shoutout to my mom for evicting me from her belly 22 years ago and introducing me to this beautiful world.

Peace. Love. Life

A note I wrote to myself a little while ago that I was only allowed to reread today :) It was also the inspiration for this post.

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Birthday Shenanigans

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. – Madeleine L’Engle

Yesterday was my 21st birthday and I had a blast celebrating with my friends bar hopping on the beach. We got there at like 2 pm and I got home at 4 am. This was definitely one of the craziest days/nights I’ve ever experienced. But man, it just leaves me feeling so blessed because I have some great people in my life. This post is going to be short, but I just want to take some time out to appreciate and love on all the amazing people I know. Party on, friends, Party on :)

…AAAAAnd my birthday is over now, so back to MCAT stu-dying.